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Writing XBOX 360 Reviews for Ultra Publications Made Easy! OR Guide to Amateur Journalism in Microsoft HD Gaming (Editors Note: Josh WK is related to squirrel hybrids with Mountain Lightning and crack running through their veins, suffice to say he is clinically insane and thinks he lives in the world of Arfenhouse. His opinions are his own and clearly don't represent the site as a whole. Remember kids don't Arfenhouse and drive)
So, you want to review XBOX 360 videogames for the biggest website on the planet, Ultra Publications.com. What to do? There are many, many things you should know. Here are a few basic, fundamental rules. ...You might want to make a list, or something. Go to the store and get those things if you don't have them. Note: Josh WK does not condone the use of alcohol in any way, shape or form. Drink responsibly. He also recommends Mike's Hard Lemonade, in many exotic, Kool-Aid-esque flavors! So, do you have your supplies? Good. Are you coherent enough to play a videogame? That one doesn't matter. You will be paying as little attention as possible to the actual game itself. Your camera with a few assorted shots and your wits are all that matter! Prepare yourself: this is guide to writing XBOX 360 reviews for Ultra Publications, made easy! Note: You must always capitalize every letter in "XBOX 360". If you don't, you will be fired. Immediately.  Step 1: Turn the system on. What the hell?... nothing's... happening... ... Step 2: Setting up a profile. First thing's first: if you're working for Ultra Publications, you must follow and adhere to any and all guidelines regarding proper handling and play of a videogame. The XBOX 360 requires you to develop a profile to play a game. It can be any profile, and I already have three, one of which is my [00:38] Clovis Dye: You dumb motherfu@#er! Don't you even KNOW how to be PROFESSIONAL!? I thought you've been some kind of INTERNET LIVING-LEGEND or some RETARDAFU@# SH$@!? [00:39] Joshie Zowie: Clovis... I... I mean... I'm sorry... I... I made a mista- [00:42] Clovis Dye: MISTAKES ARE FOR BABIES THAT GET SHOT OUT OF ROCKET LAUNCHERS, you horrible excuse for a pile of MAN-MEAT FLESH INCARNATE. [00:45] Joshie Zowie: Why do you do this to me? :'( [00:49] Clovis Dye: Because I am GOD. Now, get back to writing and making me famous! Jesus, you're a rotten motherfu#&er. [00:50] Joshie Zowie: I know... >_<  When you see this on the screen, this is what tells you what button to press to make one. Start here. Step 3: Pick the exact same name everyone uses (and by everyone I mean Dan). This shouldn't come as any surprise. Everyone knows "Ultrapub" is the name of choice for any videogame we have to use. Who came up with this rule, I don't know, and I don't question it for fear of my life and things. I'm pretty sure somebody like Laserkid had something to do with it, though.  So, anyway, yeah. Here you can see me entering it. Cool, huh?  Step 4: Choose a cool avatar icon. Apparently, my I decided to stick with the hot babes theme, because we here at Ultra Publications.com love hot babes, especially redheads. There are all these Dead or Alive girl avatars that come with the hard drive initially, and the little elf nuku-nuku girl wasn't doing it for me, so I picked one of them. I'm pretty sure it's Katsumi, but who cares? It's HD hawt.  Success! So anyway, there you have it. I began to connect to  |
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